Community and Committment

As I sit here in my kitchen this morning reflecting on my desire and drive to create a sense of community in my little piece of the universe I had a “light bulb moment”.

I was trying to get a sense of why I am so committed to creating and connecting the community I reside in. This is what came to me. I think it’s all about coming from a family that was inherently disconnected, competitive, and driven by a world view of scarcity.  I had a “knowing” that the world, my world was not about that. There was some small spark that flickered in and out that knew somehow this was not who I was nor what I was about.

Now in the middle of my life I have found that ember of knowing. That small spark that was damped down, covered, hidden by years of fears and pain. I went through incredible pain during my recent life transition. I was stripped of everything I believed was of value. That was when the wind of change swept across my heart and soul, blew away the ashes of my prior experience and gave life to that ember.Through the pain, the hours of lying fetal position on the floor in utter despair; without my being consciously aware of it, the pain was the wind. The stripping away. The re-birth of my knowing.

Stepping into my shower one morning, head down washing my hair  I had this inspired vision of my mission statement. “Connecting Cooking Companionship & Community“. This is who I am……..this is what I am about. I believe that my passion for creating a place and space where magic and miracles happen every day is the manifestation of that desire. The desire to serve, the “knowing” that we are all connected and share a common future. The desire to love and be loved; that is what I was born to do. To encourage, to serve as a model and witness to the possibility of creating a community and neighborhood in whatever small part of the planet we inhabit.

I happen to be in the kitchen. But I believe it can happen anywhere. I have been given a wonderful gift of talents and experiences that have allowed me to create something that brings extraordinary people together to create and share a meal, conversation and moments of connection.

When I was a child I learned this song in bible school and now and then I sing it so I don’t forget…………

“this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Hide it under a basket….no!…I’m going to let it shine.”

It may come to you through pain, in silence and when you are in receive mode. But it can and will come. Find your ember, your gift.  Nurture it,  honor it and let it shine.

FLAME ON!!!!

Patience and Peace

Today has been a day filled with reflection and gifts of understanding.  I began the morning with the memory of a dream. Something that has been unusual for the last several years.  Once awake my thoughts were filled with traces of memories and gifts from those currently in my life.

I have been struggling for several months with the challenge of integrating my body into my consciousness and viewing it with compassion and love. I have been working with a wonderful trainer/guide for a year now and with his help I have begun to release a lot of the pain I have carried in my body for most of my life. I  know that I disconnected from my body at a very early age to protect myself from pain and hurt. I’m not sure what the precipitating event was in my childhood. What I do know now is that I’m at peace with not knowing. This is the patience part I am learning to embrace.

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle’s – The Power of Now and here are the words that resonated loudly for me today.

“Whatever you need to know about the unconscious past in you, the challenges of the present will bring it out.”

I regularly go to the “scary place” filled with fear when I work out. I’m not sure what that’s all about and I guess at this point I don’t stress about not understanding. All I do now is greet the fear, breathe deep and say “thank you.”  Gradually the incidences are decreasing and I am able to smile when it comes up and see the gift of feeling and releasing it. Letting the fear come up and send it out my feet into mother earth.  To stand firm and tall, breathe deep and center myself.  To keep going. Now I am no longer paralyzed by the feeling nor am I overwhelmed by it.

There is a wonderful story from Zorba the Greek where he describes his wonder and delight at seeing a butterfly inside its chrysalis moving and preparing for its miraculous transformation. With love he opens the chrysalis to help the  butterfly.  He places it in his palm gently blowing his warm breath across it so that it can open it’s wings. Then much to his horror it struggles and dies in his hands. He acknowledges that it was not time for the butterfly and more importantly that there is a time for “openings and miraculous transformations”.  It is what I have begun to understand. The reason all of these fears and strong emotions are coming up is because I now have the strength to deal with them.

Now how great is that?!! Whatever we feel and sense… fear and dread… love and hate…… all of it is a gift. The gift is being able to fully experience and embrace it, release it….once and for all to let it go.

Time to open and experience my own miraculous transformation.

Ripples

Ripples

I experienced something extraordinary in my kitchen last night. I guess the best way to describe it is an epiphany. It was the “final” for my March/April basics cooking class. It was a big one, seven, larger than usual, but they all came beautifully together as a group. There were two couples and three individuals.

For the final they choose a four course menu. I also encourage them to invite a guest(s).   They chose crab cakes, my signature salad, white king salmon with fennel and leeks and served with a pistachio tarragon cream sauce, and rhubarb crisp for dessert. Each group was charged with bringing wine for one of the courses.

We had five guests in the kitchen to share the evening. The counter was filled to capacity with friends and family. As the evening progressed, I gave a few directions and some coaching, but they truly pulled it all together. For me it’s a real change to be able to spend more time on the front of the counter than behind it. That being the case, I took advantage of the opportunity and spent time talking to the guests.

This was one of the stories I heard from a young woman whose boyfriend had been in the class. She said that he is very committed to his job and usually arrives home at the end of the day totally tired and stressed out, but that over the last month every Wednesday he would return home filled with excitement, ideas and inspiration. They now were cooking together and truly enjoying all of the time they spent together in the kitchen. “you have no idea how much you have inspired him”

Later that evening as I stood at the end of my counter looking down the beautifully lit kitchen filled with friends and family listening to the lively sound of conversation.I realized this. What we share in my kitchen isn’t limited to changing the lives of my students. They take what they have learned home and share it with their friends and families and make a difference in their lives.

Ripples. At that moment I was struck with the beauty and gratitude for the inspiration that led me to create this kitchen and to do what I do. I can’t imagine a more wonderful way to spend my time here. I have a blessed life filled with joy, grace and humor.

Food and Families

  

 

I know this is a recurring theme, but I love the reminders that come my way almost daily about the power of food and how it ties us together through shared experience. 

I sell a vinegar that is imported by my friend Ilyse Rathet (Ritrovo Foods). A lovely 6 year aged balsamic that is just extraordinary. While on vacation an order came into my system for 3 bottles of the vinegar. I must admit I was a bit behind keeping my inventory where it needed to be, so I was unable to fill the order immediately. I received a follow up email from the woman who ordered it asking about the order. She lives in Louisiana and I’m not surprised that she followed up with me after no shipping confirmation received within a week. So, I sent her an email explaining that I had just returned from vacation, had ordered the vinegar and would send it out within 48 hours.  Here is the email I received in return. 

Hello,

Thanks for such a quick response to my e-mail. I purchased a bottle of Maletti balsamic vinegar while my sister and I were in Italy 3 years ago. I finished the bottle last month. The others I’ve purchased come nowhere close to Maletti. Two of the bottles are gifts for my sisters. 

Some sisters give gifts of perfume etc. We give gifts of good foods we have come across while traveling.

Again many thanks.

I have to confess when I read the email I was overcome with emotion.  I envisioned this incredible trip these women took together, enjoying the beauty of the countryside, sharing sunsets, laughter, wine and food. And here I was able to provide them with a “taste” of that memory just by having this ingredient in my kitchen.  I can’t imagine a more wonderful way to live, then being able to directly provide a memorable shared experience or to help someone acquire and practice the skills to be able to provide their own memorable experiences. 

What an incredible gift!

Under Construction – Watch Us Grow

Have you ever walked by a construction site where everything is chain linked, secured, maybe even boarded over or covered and noticed the signage next to the artist’s rendering of the completed project? Often there is a caption which reads ” Watch us grow”. As I was standing at the counter this morning baking my Friday Cookie I was thinking about the training session I have coming up later today. Dave – my trainer – talks often about the necessity of framing your fitness goals in a positive way. Not “I’m want to lose 10 pounds, but rather ” I want to gain 5 pounds of lean muscle”. I have been struggling with the discomfort of increasingly heavy weight training. I just can’t seem to get “into it”. I know that it is strictly a mental process that I am struggling with because when I was training for my black belt tests I worked 3 – 4 hours a day for months on end, filled with exhaustion and pain without this kind of mental challenge. So…what I realized is what I am struggling with is a goal, a framework, a compelling vision that I have created which will keep my efforts in perspective. What can I reach for……what do I see that will keep me working to improve my health and fitness? What can I find that I can frame in a positive way to keep me going when I am exhausted or to reframe my perception of the discomfort that comes from pushing myself physically?

That’s where the “watch us grow” thought came in for me this morning. I know that I have just begun this new phase of my life. I know that I have a lot of traveling to do and that means going to out of the way places, exploring areas that can only be found by walking and hiking to the sources of extraordinary people and the foods they produce. I don’t want to be held back or denied the opportunities that will present themselves to me because I am not fit enough or physically able to visit the people and places in my future. So……watch us grow is about the expansion of my opportunities and the pursuit of my curiosity and passion for wonderful food and the people and places that produce them. It’s the little stories the intimate and personal ones I want to tell. They may be found in little corners of big cities, tucked away on a small island, or found in the gentle rolling hills off a small dirt road. My physical strength and growth is just a reflection of the growth I experience with every new person I meet and each lesson I am offered. This is what I am training for, this is why it is important for me to improve my health and fitness.  It is to be able to go, do, meet, taste, share and experience these extraordinary people and places in my future!  Find the quiet moments and listen for the inspiration you need to move forward.

Under Construction – Watch me Grow!

By invitation only – October 29, 2009

I had a very disturbing day yesterday. In fact I didn’t even come close to sleep until 3:00 this morning. I’m not sure why all of these conversations, thoughts,people and experiences are coming my way , but they are quickly and with intensity.

I know that every experience and person we come into contact with has come into the context of our lives because we have invited them in. That being said since 90+ % of everything we are aware of comes from our unconscious I guess most of what comes my way is by unconscious invitation.

Given the range of people and conversations I had yesterday I am trying to find the common thread or invitation I sent that brought me this diverse set of people. I think that it may be “let go”. That has been my mantra for the past several months.  Letting go and non-attachment are on my radar and I have been very deliberate about checking to see if I am living them.

Of all of the conversations I had yesterday the one that triggered this internal dialogue was one I had with a  girlfriend about her marriage. She spoke about how years ago when she first met her husband he presented with a whole host of needs which she described as a “vacuum”. Since the universe, but more importantly she hated a void she stepped into fille the voids in his life. What she now recognizes is that she was never verbally asked or invited into fill those voids. She saw a need and she filled it without specific invitation. She has told him that as their life together moves into new transitions he will have to invite her to share his life and to make a conscious choice about whether or not they will be together.

My  question is this…if I have sent out the invitation or the request to “let go” how can I use these experiences to move me in that direction? I know I have had a lot of anxiety around the financial status of my business and yet….and yet….I have also been given very clear reminders that where I am and what I am can change and inspire lives. So……… I think a lot of what I have heard in conversations has allowed me to move past, through and release a lot of resentment and anger I have felt toward my ex and the system that created and enabled him to change my life in such a dramatic way. I have let go mentally but given the last several days I don’t think I had emotionally let go of a lot of those emotions. I have been given the opportunity to view  his actions from different perspectives and have seen his inability to be emotionally available and vulnerable and I believe I now have a clearer understanding of where his fear and anger comes from.

Let go, let go, accept.

I am reminded today as I often am that I have a blessed and amazing life filled with many generous, loving and compassionate people. Good, bad or indifferent each of them has arrived on time and by invitation only.

Expectations – October 11, 2009

I woke up this morning and was thinking about some of the activities I had been engaged in over the last several days and I realized I was sitting here and wanting people to recognize and acknowledge my participation, contributions etc. I donate quite a bit to local charities and I do a lot of things for friends etc. and what struck me this morning was that I guess there is a part of me that does have an expectation of some kind of return on my investment. I had a woman in my class last week who was here because she purchased a half price seat, which meant that her presence here had zero effect on my bottom line. When she got up to leave she said she wanted to talk to me about a couple of things. What she wanted to talk to me about was donations from the kitchen as well as contacting a friend who I mentioned who donates to a number of childrens educational charities. All I could think of was this…….did it ever occur to you to ask what you could do to help me? Did it occur to you to think about what you can do to support the businesses that donate to the causes you support? Did it ever occur to you that the people who do already donate may not be the best people to ask for more donations from? To me it’s kind of like negative reinforcement for positive behavior. The more you donate the more people want from you. I understand the drive to get monies to support charities, but it seems to me that it is more important than ever to support the businesses that do support the causes to which we are committed. When was the last time you looked through an auction catalog to decide where to spend your money? Have you ever even thought about doing that?

Now as to my own personal challenges with doing things for others and “gifting” or donating. It has never been my experience that a donation to a charity has brought in direct dollars to any of my businesses. Certainly never within a short time frame. I will donate dinners or parties and while people are here they are thrilled with the experience and talk about how they can support me and my business in the future. I’ll wait to see what the outcome is and then nothing happens and I am disappointed. Disappointment can only occur when we have an unfulfilled expectation. What that tells me if that I have an expectation out there that is not being met. So……what is my expectation? Is it reasonable? Should I even have an expectation? Now this is where it gets a bit tricky for me.

It has been my experience that there are two kinds of energies I meet. One is giving and the other is taking. I consider myself to be a giver. That being said do I then give, give, and give without the expectation of ever receiving???? Is that reasonable? If we just give how do we replenish our own energy system? Is that when and where we tap into the universal energy to replenish or do we find those other individuals who are givers and we create a system of energy exchange that replenishes each of us? I don’t know but I suspect it may be a combination of the two.

I think I need to spend a bit more time working on making sure that when I give a gift or donation I do so without expectation. Alternatively, if I do something for someone and I have an expectation of some kind of exchange I have to learn to ask for what I want. That way each of us is clear about the relationship. I think we often have unspoken expectations that cause a great many disappointments in relationships. I also think that we may be unaware of them and that that may be one of the problems. I know there was a time in my life when I was married and when my birthday rolled around I waited for a thoughtful gift or a special acknowledgment from my ex-husband. In 21 years it never happened. You would think that after the first five or ten years I would have accepted that he didn’t “get it” and that if I wanted something for my birthday I would have to ask him for it. But….like many of us I figured that if he loved me he would know me well enough to inherently know what I wanted. Now how ridiculous was that in retrospect? So I guess my advice based on my experience is this…..ask for what you want. If someone asks you what you want tell them precisely and without apology. Cut to the chase and don’t let unspoken or unacknowledged expectations undermine your relationships. They are too precious and too few to let this get in the way.

In the Beginning

When I was creating the business I decided that I could no longer afford and was not interested in one of the….”this is my work,and this is my personal life” kind of lives. I was going to be deliberate and thoughtful about how to create a seamlessness in my life. What I did would be who I was which would be what I did. I would choose to create something that would be an expression of the unique combination of my natural gifts  combined with the skills I had acquired over my lifetime.  I have been open now for almost three years and I have successfully combined those elements to create something unique and a place and space that truly is a reflection of who I am.

This will be the story of the magic and miracles

Dreams – September 26, 2009

This morning I was thinking about dreams. How do they come to us? What is their source? Recently on a beautiful sunny afternoon I was sitting in my kitchen at the computer, back turned to the door and two women walked in. As is often the case, they were out for a walk and wandered into the kitchen. We stood near the door and what began as a conversation about my business quickly moved into a discussion of life, dreams and inspiration. It was wonderful.  I am always amazed and honored by the gifts which enter my kitchen every day in the form of extraordinary people. At the end of our conversation one of the women looked at her friend and said “ I think you should do it.” What I was to discover was that one of the women is a palmist who took each of my hands in hers, looked intently and then explained to me based on what she observed and interpreted from my hands. This was her interpretation. As a child I was on track to be a performer/actor and that my life had taken a rather dramatic turn as a young woman.  I had committed myself to family and had been temporarily diverted from my original path because of that choice to marry and become a parent. Now however she said I was once again on the path toward my dharma.

Standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my coffee this morning I was reflecting on the fact that to be an actor was not something I necessarily thought about for a profession while I growing up. When I was young during the long summer vacations I was a neighborhood activist. Always coming up with ideas about things to do. When I thought about acting and performance it struck me that in fact I often did script, organize and basically produce plays in my neighborhood when I was young. Now where did that come from and why was it that I never even considered acting theater or the like when I was young?

 

What I know was that I was never encouraged to dream. Does one need to be encouraged to dream or does that come naturally to us? Is that part of our nature or do we only expand on what our life experience has exposed us to? What if we grow up in a small village with only our current experience to rely on and without media or contact with the outside world? Do we still hear the whisper of inspiration? Are we inspired to expand a little bit beyond what we know or is there a chance that somehow that universal intelligence will speak to us with a voice we will recognize and we will dream of something far beyond our current experience and that of the “village” we inhabit?

 

I was never encouraged to dream, to think about a life that was far different from that I knew growing up. I think that for my father it was about protecting us from disappointment. Although my father grew up in a small town in Minnesota his dream began with Charles Lindbergh. He dreamed of flying when he was a boy. I don’t know that he dreamed of traveling, but… he did dream of flying. He not only realized his dream of learning how to fly but he owned his own small plane and he worked in the aviation department of a large corporation and traveled the world for forty years.  He did experience pursing a dream that was far beyond the life he grew up with. He has had an extraordinary life, one that reached far beyond the outskirts of the small town in which he was raised.

I’m not sure why he didn’t encourage us to dream. I don’t think that anyone “killed” my dreams I’m just not sure that I ever recognized them. I was not the typical kid in my neighborhood, but I didn’t see myself as anything or anyone extraordinary. I would act on my inspirations but never recognized them for what they were.

 

So now I am a mom and my children, although they are young adults are beginning to explore their own dreams. My hope was that I would give them the tools to listen to their hearts and the experience of pursing their dreams and interests wherever they may take them and despite the reactions of those around them. If you pay attention you can hear and see adults “silence” the dreams of their children. “we’re not that kind of people” Who do you think you are? You’re never be good enough to make the team. Be quiet, I can’t stand all that noise, quit singing all the time.

 

I know that at this point my dreams are my own. I consciously make the time to be quiet and to silence all the noise I hear around me and to silence the voices of my past. To open my heart and listen to whispers that direct me to the path I am meant to follow.

 

Find the silent moment and listen for the whisper that is meant for your heart.

Transitions and Graduations

graduation celebration

June 12,2009

I am reminded this morning of the number and variety of transitions we celebrate. Earlier this week I got an email from the Issaquah School District celebrating the graduation of its’ senior classes. This morning I spoke to a friend of mine whose “baby” is graduating from the University of Washington.

In my past I have been honored and privileged to speak in front of graduating students and their families. Many times the conversations took place on the dojo floor. Now the conversations often take place in my kitchen.  This morning I experienced a  flood of images and memories.

When I was on the School Board I spoke at Safeco Field on a beautiful bright early summer day. It was the largest group I had ever faced. There is nothing quite like the experience of seeing your image on a big screen ?? feet tall. There I was standing in the bright sunshine that day on a stage in front of thousands of people. They were not here to listen to me, they were here to celebrate their, son,daughter, niece, nephew, grandson,granddaughter, friend. We were asked to limit our comments to less than five minutes. How could I take those precious moments and give them something worth listening to. Something perhaps they would remember and cherish. I chose to tell a story that my Sensei had taught me relating to choices and consequences. I’m not sure how each of those people present heard the story, but I know that at least a few of them heard and remembered the lesson it contained.

After each test in our dojo we had a belt award ceremony. I recall that the theme I came back to most often was that of gratitude. I thanked the students for all they had taught me. I tried to express to them that when a “teacher” is humble and without ego that they will learn as much if not more from their students as the student will learn from teacher. I thanked them for all they had taught me during the course of the last several months. I thanked the parents for allowing me to be a part of their childs’ life. The metaphor I used was this.

Have you ever purchased a garment made from natural fibers and found a small tag attached to it with a disclaimer about imperfections in the material? I think of my life as a tapestry with every experience I have had, every person I have met as a fiber that is a part of that tapestry. I know that my life is not even, balanced, and uniform. I have had moments of joy, despair, triumph and defeat. Those are the “flaws” that I have inherent in the threads I have woven. Each of the children who have been a part of my dojo family are now a thread in the growing tapestry of my life.  Like me they are not perfect, even or without flaws. The usual final line of the disclaimer tag states that the imperfections are the evidence of a natural fiber and what create the beauty of the garment. I know that the beauty of my life and the richness of all I experience is the result of being completely and fully engaged in everything I do with everything and everyone I meet, flawed, imperfect and real.